The Wedding Bells
by ElisiansBane
Summary: The wedding bells rang as Wolfram cursed his bad luck. Yuuram. Disclaimer: I do not own this fabulous anime, but if I did I wouldn't be here now would I? rated k for some language.


The Wedding Bells

This is the story version of a script my sister and I wrote for a KKM sketch we want to perform for Otakon someday if we get enough people.

Disclaimer; A cookie if you know who owns Kyou Kara Maou. Hint: it's not who you think it is!

Warning: not beta read. I went over spelling and coherence but I always miss something stupid. Spell checker helps only so much. Please bear with me.

Second warning: bad puns and jabs at humor XP

'thought'

"speech"

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Murata entered the throne room of Blood Pledge Castle, dressed in the formal attire of the Great Sage. He made his way to where the child-like priestess Ulrike stood cheerfully in front of the altar.

"Good morning, Your Grace."

"Morning, Ulrike. Wow! The throne room looks great! Is everything all set?"

"Yes, Your Grace."

Murata picked up the book of ceremonies and flipped through a particular section.

"Don't be surprised if I forget something. It's been a bazillion years." He chuckled slightly.

"Four thousand, Your Grace." Ulrike said with absolute seriousness.

Murata gave Ulrike a blank look. "Thank you, Ulrike." He went back to reading the guidelines for the ceremony.

Meanwhile, sitting in the temporary pews, Conrad sat in his soldier's best next to his irate older brother, trying to console him.

"Now, Gwendal. All is well. See? We're having a wedding! Everyone's reputation is fine."

Gwendal turned three shades of red with three matching wrinkles. "Everyone's reputation is fine except his! His reputation hasn't been fine since he showed his face!"

"Gwendal, we can't talk about His Majesty like that. It's treason."

"I don't give a damn!" Their once discreet conversation was beginning to be noticed by the other guests trickling in. "A five year engagement is too much! How dare he keep our little brother waiting! This should have been done and over with ten years ago!"

Conrad blinked. "But, Aniue. It's only been-"

Gwendal huffed. "Ridiculous! Fifteen years and he still hasn't made up his weak little mind!"

"Are you alright?"

Ulrike finished adjusting the ceremonial candles and lit two of them leaving the middle candle out.

"All is well with the king. Your Grace?"

Murata sniffed. "He'll get over it…"

Yozak entered the throne room and sauntered down the aisle to where Conrad was still trying to calm Gwendal. For once he had abandoned his spy's rough clothes and traded in for –not a dress as everyone expected- but a velvet red tunic and trousers with gold trim.

"Yo, Captain." He grinned.

"Yozak! You look nice." Conrad's trademark smile grew then diminished. "Is Yuuri-heika alright?"

"The kid tried to escape twice, first through the baths and then through a toilet. He punched a guard, ran down the hallways screaming bloody murder, had to be chained to a table and sedated so the servants could dress him. And he bit me. And you're asking if he's alright?"

"Why didn't you beat him? Someone should have a long time ago!" Gwendal scolded.

"Gwendal, calm down! At least he's not in a vegetative state anymore…Maybe he's finally accepted this."

"As if!" Gwendal barked. "The boy is spoiled. He is reckless and irresponsible, Always relying on others to clean up his mess! He took advantage of Wolfram's devotion and look what happened! If he does not take responsibility for his actions and get his ass in here in five minutes, matrimony will be the least of his problems!"

"Gwendal." Conrad's tone became stern. "I know you're not happy with how this came to be and quite frankly I have know idea how it happened. But we need to be supportive of Heika, at least publicly. Look at it this way, he's going to marry our brother and save the kingdom from a scandal. Wolfram is Yuuri's best friend, Heika would not want to cause him suffering."

"He already has!"

"There's nothing we can do about it now, but sit and watch the ceremony."

Gwendal finally seemed to calm down slightly. "You are right brother. There is nothing we can do but watch. Yuuri-heika will step up and fulfill his duties as he should."

"He will." Conrad nodded.

"He is growing to be a fine young man. A young man who takes care of his family and respects and cares for his subjects."

"Yes, he does."

"He has saved our country from war and fixed our economy."

"He did beautifully." Conrad patted his brother's back in a soothing manner. "He always comes through for us in the end."

"He put his grubby little hands on my adorable little brother!"

"Wait-what?"

Suddenly, Gwendal stood up with his hand on his sword hilt. "I get so pissed thinking about him!"

Conrad and Yozak (who had been listening and trying not to laugh) both grabbed the Chief's arms and yanked him back into his seat.

"Gwendal sit the hell down!" Conrad hissed.

Murata watches the guests. 'Everyone's here I suppose. Time to get started.'

He raised his hand palm forward to the audience.

"Lords and Ladies, may the wedding of the Maou begin!"

Romantic music started and the huge wooden doors of the throne room opened to reveal his majesty Yuuri looking pale and frightened out of his wits. Yuuri was half dragged half escorted down the aisle by two of his personal guards, who looked imposing in their black uniforms and handcuffs.

"I'm not ready to get married! I'm too young. He's lying!!! Shouri!!!" Yuuri dressed in his formal uniform, was forced to stand in front of Murata and Ulrike, who both had sweat drops. Gwendal and Conrad moved to flank Yuuri and help the guards if needed. "Murata, make them stop!"

"Shibuya, I know this is a little hard to swallow, but think of the kingdom, this is for the good of the kingdom-"

"Silence you little scuzzball!" Gwendal hissed. "You got your self into this, you're going to get yourself out of it by marrying Wolfram!"

"But it was an acci-"

Gwendal gave Yuuri a glare that would make Satan pee his pants. "I dare you to finish that line…" His voice had grown cold and evil.

Yuuri meeped and turned toward Murata.

"Alright then….." Murata said awkwardly. "let's continue."

The Shin Makoku bridal march began cheerfully as the bridal procession steadily entered the temple.

First to walk down the aisle was little Greta, princess of Shin Makoku as the flower girl, dressed in a white puffy embroidered gown. Her expression was one worn by many flower girls; a look of perfect concentration as she delicately laid each flower petal onto the floor.

Next came the soldiers of the Fire Mage Division of the Shin Makoku military in rows of two solemnly walking behind the young princess, their expressions were that of serious trained soldiers though a little stressed looking.

Next came the former demon queen Cheri in a more flamboyant version of her trademark black dress with even higher slits. She was flanked by the weeping Royal Advisor Lord Gunter, who bemoaned that his precious heika was being forced into marriage.

Then the audience stood as the music reached its crescendo and the bride made his grand entrance. Wolfram von Bielefeld was enchanting in his formal uniform trimmed with cloth-of-gold thread and a blood red cape as he walked down the aisle with a look of smug content, his gait became a swagger as he met Yuuri's pale deer- in-the-headlights stare.

As he progressed to the altar the audience's stares were soon joined by quiet gasps and shocked expressions as they took in Wolfram's beautiful image but not for that reason exactly.

Wolfram was very very pregnant.

Yes, his once svelte form was interrupted by a huge round belly that threatened to tear free from the snug confines of his altered uniform.

Now, everyone understood why the invitations came at such a short notice.

Wolfram sauntered up to Yuuri's side and regarded the King and then the Sage. He gave each double black a cheeky smile that to Yuuri stated clearly.

You lose!

"Wolfram please don't do this! I don't want to marry you! I'm too young and you're a guy. I'm not gay!" The hapless king whispered fiercely.

"That's not what you said last night." Wolfram said coolly but loud enough for anyone within six feet to hear.

Yuuri blushed beet red and mumbled something about blonde pretty boys who fib.

"Ahem, are we ready to begin?" Murata asked.

"Yes, we're fine. Let's hurry this up!" Wolfram replied. "I'm about to pop here!"

"Okay, okay." Murata addressed the audience. "Dearly beloved we are gathered here today to witness the binding of our king, Yuuri Shibuya, the 26th Maou of Shin Makoku and His Excellency, Wolfram Benjamin Andrew Michael Selene Dionne von Bielefeld in holy matrimony before the altar of His Majesty the first king Shinou-Heika on this day, on this very altar for the good of Shin Makoku and her children!"

'Did Gunter write this?' Murata thought dryly. He took another deep breath.

"These two have decided-"

"Wolfram decided." Yuuri muttered.

Murata ignored him. "These two have decided to come together as King and wife in the belief that their union will benefit Shin Makoku and her people. If there is anyone here-"

Yuuri raised his hand enthusiastically. "Me! Me!"

"The king's opinion no longer matters as stated in the prenuptial agreement."

"Damn you, Gwendal…."

"The feeling's mutual!" Came the voice of Gwendal from behind Yuuri.

"Gwendal be quiet!" Conrad scolded.

The audience sweat-dropped. Murata cleared his throat nervously and tried to continue his sermon with a straight face.

"If there is anyone here, excluding the groom, who does not believe that they should marry, the bride has requested that you keep your thoughts to yourself and deal."

The audience stayed quiet. Wolfram looked pleased. Yuuri looked betrayed.

"No one? Very well. Your Majesty, Your Excellency, please approach the altar."

The two reached the altar that bore the three candles. Murata took the two

lit candles in his hands.

"A candle represents hope, a candle represents faith, a candle represents warmth and love. You must both have hope and faith in each other was well as love and warmth if your marriage is to bear fruit and help the kingdom."

"Wolfram, do you understand the responsibilities given to you? As the king's husband, you will be called upon to aid him in his duties. Some will be dangerous, do you accept?"

"I do."

"Yuuri-heika, Wolfram has said he will aid you in your duties even if it threatens his life. In return you must treat him with respect and love and provide for him and any children he may bear you." Murata looked pointedly at Wolfram's stomach.

"Do I have a choice?"

"Nope."

"I do…" he said dejectedly.

"Very good, now take the candles." Wolfram and Yuuri each took a candle from Murata. "Now, you must light the center candle as a symbol of your devotion to each other and to the good of Shin Makoku."

Wolfram and Yuuri lit the candle. Yuuri had adopted a look of utter dread for the entire ceremony and it was beginning to work on Wolfram's last nerves.

"At least pretend you're happy!" the blond hissed.

Yuuri immediately pulled his mouth into a strained smile.

"Wimp…"

They both stood before Murata and blew out the candles. Murata motioned for the couple to turn towards the audience. The two turned and stared out into the gathering, one with resolve, the other with a look of sheer constipation.

Murata raised his hands. "Lords and Ladies of the court, I present to you, the King Yuuri Shibuya and his Royal Consort, Wolfram Benjamin Andrew Michael Selene Dionne Arita Franklyn von Bielefeld. May Shinou bless their union!"

The audience stood to its feet and clapped for the new couple. Wolfram and Yuuri made their way down the aisle, followed by their daughter, Cheri and the Fire Mage Division. After the wedding party had left, the guests gathered their belongings and prepared to join the king and his new consort for the reception.

Yuuri and Wolfram exited the castle and made their way to the carriage that awaited them outside to their honeymoon.

"That wasn't so bad now was it?" Wolfram said cheerfully. "We can finally begin our lives as a true couple. Isn't that wonderful Yuuri?"

"Banzai….." Yuuri mumbled not the least bit happy. He was still confused as to how Wolfram got pregnant in the first place. They had never touched each other at all, okay they had kissed a couple times but their clothes were still on!

Then it hit Yuuri and he instantly had to hold back his maou side.

'Of all the nerve! He had the balls to call me a cheater!!!' Yuuri stopped dead in his tracks to confront his unfaithful fiancé. "Wolfram, we need to-"

Wolfram had his arm hooked around Yuuri's bicep and was not anticipating the sudden stop and stopping 40 pounds of weight on one's stomach takes time. Wolfram faltered for a moment and tried to regain his balance but the weight of his stomach pulled him forward and he fell unceremoniously to the ground just outside the carriage door.

"Wolfram, are you okay?" Briefly forgetting his anger, Yuuri helped his fiancé to his feet. As he steadied the frazzled and embarrassed prince, Yuuri caught a glimpse of the blonde's stomach. Wolfram's tight tunic had hiked up his abdomen during the fall and was now bunched around his mid-drif. What got the king's attention though was what was under the tunic.

'Is that…..burlap?' The double black blinked. "Wolfram, what's under your shirt?"

Wolfram looked down at his belly and went pale.

Yuuri stared at the stuffed sack that was tied around Wolfram's very flat not pregnant wash board abs and appeared to be stuffed with heavy fabric.

"You're not pregnant…" Yuuri stated flatly.

"Um….my mistake?" Wolfram gave an uncharacteristic sheepish smile.

The wedding bells rang as the flabbergasted Wolfram cursed his bad luck.

Busted.

*****************

Well, how was it? To be honest, I think it would be funnier as a skit rather than a fic. My sister and I wrote this to parody not Kyou Kara Maou but Kyou Kara Maou fanfiction.

M-preg (we don't particularly like it, but there are some good stories that involve it. I just think it would be easier to turn Wolfram into a girl rather than create this elaborate explanation for why he's suddenly pregnant. It's emasculating.

Wedding scenes (they're just fun to make fun of)

Yuuri's reluctance (some authors go over board with Yuuri's opposition to the engagement. I don't think he's homophobic. I just think he's reacting like a typical teenage boy.)

The length of Wolfram and Yuuri's engagement. The longest I've read about is 15 years, the most popular length seems to be 2-5 years. 5 being the most angsty.

There was one fic where Wolfram had four middle names, I'm not kidding!

**Note: **I used an alternative spelling for Celine and Aretha on purpose because one of my earlier fics got deleted because I used a real person's name

Constructive criticism is welcome. As a writer, I'm always looking for ways to improve. But I do not tolerate flames. But do tell me how much you loved this fic! LAWL! Have a good one my fellow fangirls!


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